How Costly Are Our Dreams?

Have been addicted to Downton Abbey since it first came out. Great writing with a great cast really brought this upper class family struggling with reality of the world to life. It is now well into the third season and although it is not on air yet, there is nothing but expectations.

As I watched the latest Christmas special that ties up a lot of loose ends from the second season and sowed seeds for the third season, a recurring theme keeps getting stuck in my head – how costly are our dreams?

We obviously are no longer living in a strict and rigid class society, but class did not disappear. It might have disappeared structurally but certainly not socially. When I was a kid, I was taught that I should chase my dreams. But when we grow up we start to face the truth of the world and start putting price tags on our dreams.

Cost – the highest value option forgone to obtain another item of the same intrinsic value; is a two-edge sword. It can motivate us to overcome difficulties to achieve what we want to achieve, but at the same time, it can also become the invisible wall that turns us back from who we want to be.

In the Christmas special of Downton Abbey, Matthew met up with Mary to pay tribute to the late Lavinia, and returned her father’s ashes to her grave, as he wanted. Isobel was the bystander. After they parted, Isobel pointed out the obvious and pursued Matthew on the matter with Mary. Matthew replied, “I deserved to be unhappy. So did Mary”. Isobel replied, “Nobody deserved to be unhappy. If you think so then the war had taught you nothing.” – very simple but straight to the point.

Matthew and Mary had been through a lot, and the to and fro had built up a price that both understood as too high to be paid. That is similar to our lives from time to time. We chase our dreams but at the same time we need to make a living. And then making a living became such a big part of our lives that, chasing our dreams gradually became irrelevant. But when we took our dreams out again, the cost of chasing it became so high that sometimes they look unsurmountable.

I have never been a person who likes to compromise. However, at times, I did think I have no choice but compromising. What can you do when you have a student loan to pay off? Rent / mortgage to be paid? A family to support? When we arrived at that stage, chasing our dreams seems nothing but a luxurious item with a cost that we cannot bear. So we settled down. Settling down is painful for me and it depresses me. Matthew and Mary thought by settling down, even if they were not happy, they could avoid the cost of pursuing what they wanted and thus be the best solution for everyone. But is that so? Are they really not going to regret their decisions? Is it being unhappy for life less costly than taking a risk and doing a leap of faith? This is a question that I always have in my head.

One may thinking this kind of issue only affect people who are materially worst off as they have to meet their daily needs. I can assure you that this might look like so but it is far from so. I know people who are particularly well off, but they face similar problems. Their problems might not be material but of social. May that be family expectations or simply their dreams were not acceptable in their society. Sybil’s love for the chauffeur is a classic example. It was not socially acceptable and she knows it will cost her a lot to chase this dream. It is a matter of a leap of faith for the dream that she had – not knowing whether you would land on solid ground or fall off the edge of the world.

No one can guarantee the result of this leap, but for me the question is whether it is worth it if I crash and burn with the leap? Dreams, same as everything, are no free lunches.  But then there is always a second question – is regret a higher price to be paid?  As Isobel said, “nobody deserved to be unhappy”. So am I making myself unhappy so that I feel like I got an easier way out now? If the easier way out is just a one-way ticket to regretville, is it all worth it? I think that is a dilemma that us mortals will have to face from time to time during our lives.