Had a very interesting discussion with a
friend the other day. She is born in Australia but of Asian descent. We
discussed about the whole point of “fitting in” to the society. As a kid grew
up in Hong Kong and received British education, my parents from time to time
would tell me I am not Chinese enough. They would first secretly and then later
not so secretary hoped that I would just be a standard normal Chinese like them.
Similarly this friend of mine had all sorts of expectations cast on her to
behave like the rest of her ethnic group. As a girl her expectations were even
higher and tougher.This led us to discuss about the whole feminism thing. Feminism is something that has been around the block for a while. For me it seems that at different age, it represents different things. But that did not bother me that much as a kid as I always felt that it is some kind of adult related stuff (not knowing that I would become an adult myself). Also studying in a boys’ school means that I did not really need to deal with this ideological stuff.
However, things changed when I left high school and went to university. It is a mix of people and then you eventually got into this whole dating game, where feminism sometimes hit hardest. For me it was a confusing game. At times feminists (as some of my friends subtly called themselves) wanted all the rights in the new age, but then there were still occasions that they believed on top of the new rights they should have all the advantages offered to them by the old order. For example, they will debate to the end about women’s right to be in high position jobs and men should treat women equally both in terms of job opportunities and as a gender in the society. But then when you went on dates with some of them, they would expect chairs to be pulled, doors to be opened and bills to be paid in full. I once discussed with one of them why all those equality crap when they expected all the favours of the old world. She replied that is just social etiquette and any guy who does not conform is just bad form. But I hit back saying if you want old order social etiquette you cannot expect new world equality. Needless to say that one did not go down well.
Fast forward to now, when I was talking about this with this friend of mine she was so happy that I felt the same way. She said she had a hard time understanding why guys have to do that as she is strong enough to pull her own chair and open her own door. She told me that there was once that another guy pulled her chair but she just went for the other one because she was oblivious the chair pulling was for her. For me if feminism is looking for equality, it should not be applied selectively but to all aspects of life.
Then we discussed about how some people said celebrities like Beyonce represents the power of women and modern feminism. That is something that always baffles me because I personally did not see how a woman dressed scantily wriggly her bum singing Naughty Girl represents empowering of women and feminism. Yeah maybe it requires a lot of power to go out tell people what a woman wants but then do you need to dress like a go go girl in a strip club? I personally do not see how exposing your body to next to nothing represents empowerment. This is the same for Miley Cyrus whom I think was weird to think that to show how strong a girl should be is getting naked on a wrecking ball and twerking on stage. Yeah maybe you did not like your Disney years, but do remember it was Disney who made you. If that represents how a next-door girl grew into a strong woman, I am truly worried about the Hunnah Montana generation of girls. The good news is all the designers can sell their clothes to these girls with a fraction of their cost, as minimal textile is required.
Today I read that even Doctor Who is being criticized as becoming more sexist as there is less average dialogue time for female characters in the show. The study was based on dialogue and on screen time of female characters on the show. Despite the show had created some very strong female characters like Amy Pond and River Song under Steven Moffat’s helm, it was still be criticized as not female centric enough. The thing is I wonder whether one can decide the gender balance of the show with this kind of overly simplified mechanism. I can certainly get away with this kind of measurement by putting in a female character that finishes every single line of her dialogue with meaningless expression like “Kupopo”. This would no doubt increase her dialogue and screen time in the show, thus pleasing this kind of study. For me it matters more about the quality of the dialogue over the number of lines. Quantifying things that cannot be quantified within reasonable margin of error is just a flawed study in itself and this, in my opinion, does not reflect any wisdom of feminism.
I have been going on and on without finding an answer to what is feminism. Maybe there is no absolute answer. But personally I think if it is not improving female as a gender from all angles any feminist talk is just out of context talks of little consequence to the overall improvement of the situation. Maybe I am a bit idealistic on this but didn’t feminism start with an ideology too?
I think that perhaps as a man you are missing the point. Where do I even begin with what you don't understand?
ReplyDeleteThe male etiquette thing: I agree that women should not expect that, in the same way that men do not. Except, however - treating a woman with chivalry and politeness does not automatically mean the actions are not feminist. That's just a guy being nice. Women should not expect it, but they should be treated as an equal regardless. Do you think holding open a door for a male stranger is too much of a generous effort? No. It's the same thing here.
The thing you're missing is that women are disrespected every single day. Every. Single. Day. You're not seeing it because you're a man and this is just normal for you. Let me put it this way: you are going to be more aware of racial issues than some white guy, because of the privilege they have that you don't. IT'S THE SAME HERE.
Society thinks it can tell women what to wear, how to act, and it goes on and on and on, dictating every aspect of our lives. Why is Beyonce being scantily dressed on stage a feminist action? Because in our patriarchal society, WOMEN ARE THOUGHT OF AS LESSER BASED ON WHAT THEY WEAR. If a man is burgled, no one blame him that his house wasn't armed like an iron fortress. If a woman is raped, one of the first questions asked is 'what was she wearing?' Neither the man or woman were asking to be attacked, and yet society views them differently. Beyonce is exercising her choice, she is going 'screw you' to all these judgmental views.
And don't even get me started on Doctor Who; the male:female ratio of dialogue isn't even the point - it's that, coupled with the flatly-written 2D characters that Steven Moffat had brought in. A sassy woman does not a strong character make; compare the 3 Dimensional characters of Rose, Martha and Donna, to Clara and River. Amy is kind of on the fence as far as dimension goes. See, the thing is, Rose, Martha and Donna were characters in their own right. They had lives outside of the Doctor, they had personalities and hopes and dreams. These newer companions? Their lives revolve around the Doctor - what are their personalities and characteristics other than 'sassy'? Try answer me that.
The point of feminism is equality. We want to be treated equally - not in the same way as men, BUT WITH THE SAME AMOUNT OF RESPECT. We want to do away with sexist stereotyping and have the freedom to make our choices and not be judged for them. Whether we want to become an astronaut or a housewife, wear a lot of clothes or the bare minimum, it is all our choice and we want those choices to be respected as they are OUR bodies. We don't want to be PRESSURED into being housewives, but if it is a decision we've made, it makes us no less feminist and no less respectable. Feminism is about choice.
I couldn't care less about women in Dr Who not getting enough screentime etc. I just want women to have access to equal pay in the workforce and not be discriminated by their looks or age. This discrimination however, is not just the fault of men. Women themselves are just as much to blame and some of them are the worst culprits in terms of holding us back.
ReplyDeleteThe comment about Dr Who and screentime just annoys me because it dilutes an important issue and trivialises it. I would take a higher paid job (equal to men of the same position and experience as I) over seeing additional scenes of Billy Piper and whoever else acts in that show, because that is my right.
Additionally, I would also agree with the "Anonymous" comment above. Its hard to see things as how they really are without actually experiencing them.