Validation Acting

Had a really good audition the other day. I was a bit anxious to be honest as it was an important audition for me. I spent two weeks preparing the pieces and took a special voice session with my teacher to make sure I approached the text from all angles.

The artistic director of the Company held the audition, together with one of the resident artists for the year. I believed I displayed my anxiousness during the chitchat but then it was down to the business. It did two monologues from two Australian plays (it was a requirement that they are from Australian plays as it is a Company that supports and promotes local artists) - one from "A Manual from the Trench Warfare" by Clem Goman and the other from "When the Rain Stops Falling" by Andrew Bovell. The first one was an intense masculine piece about surviving Gallipoli. The feedback was "that was very intense". The second is a confession piece that opens the play. The response was "That was completely beautiful! I was transported to your world and I did not want you to stop".

I was cautiously happy about the response. It is something important and precious for me, this audition, so I tried to do my best under all the pressure I consciously or unconsciously put on to myself. Now that it is done I tried not to expect too much to avoid potential disappointment. I have now been in this business long enough to understand this. That said I was really appreciative about the feedback as it meant a lot to me.

I put the feedback on to my Facebook and people commented that it was a great validation of my skills. This got me thinking about the importance of validation in this acting business. For me a simple validation of my skills is already extremely satisfying at an audition. I am not an actor with constant flow of work, or even a constant flow of audition or casting. My skills have been highly commended by teachers I respected and look up to including Peter Andrikidis and Colin Friels when I took classes with them, though I wonder whether they would still remember me. Colin Friels told me during the break on one of the days that he had no notes for my work as with the calibre of work I was doing I should be working and not taking classes. This did not really translate in the real world. However I continued to work hard on my skills with my voice classes, as I believe when the opportunity comes I have to be ready. Being given an opportunity to an important audition is huge for me not to mention such a validation.

However I am also pragmatic enough to understand not to seek for such kind of validation actively. Validation for me is icing on the cake in this acting business. For me it is not something you can actively look for. Acting is an art form. For me it is an expression of how you relate yourself to the world around you, thus makes your art unique to your audience. Actively seeking validation would tind this freedom up with invisible chains because it is no longer about who you are and how you think as an artist. This is because you are actively trying looking for what other people want. The whole perspective became muddled and then you end up with something that is not true to who you are as an artist. Not that it won't work in the industry, as I did hear successful stories of people doing so. Some even went to distance in the industry with this approach and I feel happy for their success stories. Just that it is not my way of approaching acting. For me if acting is not about understanding the world around you and thus your character and it's world, it is no longer interesting.

I might sound naive or stupid in thinking so as I should be in this field long enough to understand this is a business after all. That might also be a reason that I am not as constantly working as an actor as others (or even as successful in my other working life). But for me if it is not something I believe in, what is the point of doing it? If it is not real acting it is just "acting". It would no longer have relevance to me. If it is not a real life what is the point of living it?

I understand that not everyone could afford this kind of indulgence about art and life. I do not know how long I could hold on to this either. But as long I could afford to do so, I am willing to fight for that self-indulging purity of art, acting and life.