The Skin I Live In

As an actor I always remind myself to be more thick skin. You can never survive the ordeal of an acting career if you are easily hurt by people’s comments and rejections. This is particularly true when you want to be an actor in Australia while possessing a different skin tone to what most power brokers want. The journey of an acting career is never an easy one, but I think so far I managed the ups and downs of this road pretty well.

However, what I found in the recent years is that if you want to just survive a 9 to 5 job you will need to apply the thick skin principles in the acting industry too. This kind of sucks in a way that because 9 to 5 jobs are supposed to be no brainer mortgage paying activities that sustain a certain lifestyle you hope to maintain before the “big break” arrives.

I don’t usually go into details about my daytime profession in a way that I kind of want to separate it from my creative life, which I prefer to live and relish. However, from time to time I do find that I was forced by people I work with in my day job into a position that I have to put an extra layer of acting skin to just to get through the day.

The acting skin provides a strong buffer against your true self, which is at times more vulnerable and exposed when being cut. It is thicker and usually has stronger elasticity that could just bounce off attacks. It is a defence mechanism you need to survive the acting industry. For me, I was lucky enough to receive a full training in this area but had been resisting applying this into broader aspects of my personal life. However, as a person who cares about getting things done correctly, willing to work hard to achieve great results while at the same time trying treating people with respect, I find it harder and harder to receive reciprocal response from some of my work colleagues nowadays. As time passes I found it harder and harder to deal with people who have no basic respect and courtesy for others. So in order to avoid conflicts I start pulling an extra layer of acting skin and live inside it at work. Still I can’t help but asking myself the question, “ Am I living a real life or am I compromising my own principle of living it real? “

The good thing about mankind is human beings are social animals. We build upon and improve each other through social activities and companionship. However, as with all things this aspect of mankind does have its dark side. Several occasions in my work life had got me seriously re-evaluate whether I should continue to treat people truthfully and honestly at work. I know that I don’t want to go all bastardy or bitchy (not that I can’t) because I do not want to commit myself to lowly activities such as office politics and backstabbing. I am not trying to stay on the high horse either – it is just not me. So if assault were not an option I would need to up my defence. This is where the acting skin comes into play. However at the same time I would also think is it worth it? Yeah I need the job to pay the bills but this is not an acting job afterall.

I always maintain I would do whatever it takes to move my acting career forward as long as I am not compromising certain basic principles. The acting skin is a mechanism to help getting me there.  For other parts of my life, I would prefer to live in my own skin and be comfortable and happy in it. So it is frustrating when you feel that you are compelled to use a skill that you developed for something you love to deal with something you utterly despise and hate. Is it possible to avoid this? Yes, if you leave that environment you could continue to be true to yourself. However, in this modern society, unless you are doing something totally independent and able to make a good living out of it, you would inevitably need to deal so craps and junks.

I guess I am just moaning over a human condition that has no cure. Or perhaps I should just stop letting these kinds of situations getting to me. Maybe I am just growing old as the clock tripped over the other day so I became more sentimental about things some modern people no longer hold great values to. Whatever reason it is I think I should just have a beer and stop thinking about this.